Sunday, May 30, 2010
I really don't like going backwards, but it happens. It is always going to happen, about something. There is no such thing as forever, about anything. Water changes , and it is changed too. Maybe I like travel (and I think I've written this before years ago) because there is no way to get stuck in one place, or with one person, or doing one thing. It's changing. Plus you encounter so much 'new' that you can hardly even focus on yourself. When I realized it was escapism, I started worrying (like I do) that this was a 'bad thing'. Rather, what my sister does, what my mum's side of the family does....avoids the situation in front of them. And when we do face those, we have no idea how the hell to handle it, end up feeling sorry for ourselves, end up irritable, end up screwing up. So we run away. So why not? Why shouldn't I want to get up and keep moving? I think I go backwards, when I'm not being distracted, when I'm not moving, when I'm not escaping in some sense...and I wonder, is this a bad thing? Does this mean I really haven't gained any ground at all in the first place, but rather I've just put on convenient blinders?

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