Brains!

Sometimes I crack. Tears in my soapy dish washing tub. Tears at work, quietly hoping no one will notice. Tears looking east while at the dog park. I think I've settled into a functioning depressed state. I still exhibit erratic sleeping patterns, and an ache in my chest like nothing I've ever felt before. Being alone at home while mum is in Scotland doesn't help either. I like the noise of other people.

Forging old friendships anew, has been one of the most significant things in my life this week. I do genuinely believe that you get more than one soulmate, and those soulmates are always in you, no matter how many years go by, how little you've talked, and what you've exchanged. They come in a variety of different relationships, and because they are always in you, it's easy to ignore them and forget them, just like your kidneys. But it's just as easy to remember them.

I find amusing that my co-workers keep saying "I bet you won't come back from Australia". It surprises me at first, then I think jeezes, I'm free to whatever the hell I want to do. Other people...people that have no right...say it's just a band-aid. This is true in many respects. But frankly ever since I first watched the Croc Hunter when I was like 13, Australia has been at the top of my list of places to see in my life. Hell I've wanted to move there too. I kept thinking, and saying, you can't do it, it's too pricey, and I let other people convince me of that too. I should have gone years ago, when I was 19, when I was 20...when I was...on and on. I should have not let boyfriends be the top priority in my life, in my life my dreams are the most important thing. This is a dream as much as it is an escape from my reality, pain, the triggers...Of course I would love to explore with a boyfriend, but I also think certain types of travel at certain times in your life can alter it, and sometimes you need to be alone to have those tremendous effects.